It was another Sunday morning at church. A young family came up to baptize their newborn baby. But this family looked a little out of the ordinary. Mom and Dad were standing there with their teenage daughter, soon to be teenage son-in-law and their grandchild. As the pastor explained the covenant that we, as believers, have with Christ Jesus, he also explained our responsibility as a congregation to care for this child, even though the young man and woman were not married.
From the moment that the young couple came to the pastor for help and guidance about their unexpected pregnancy, the pastor was open with the congregation about the church’s responsibility to this couple and this child. The church would not abandon either of these children of God. The church would be a gracious support, full of forgiveness, kindness and love. The church would care for the teen couple, grandparents and unborn child as much as they would any other family welcoming a new baby into the world. The church would stand by this soon-to-be mother, helping her flourish and providing her with the opportunities she needed to become the best mother she could be for her baby.
God’s Grace for Teen Pregnancy in the Church
Christians promote an abstinent life. The Bible is clear on abstaining from sex before marriage. But once it becomes obvious that a teenager has stepped outside God’s expectations, what should we do next? Christians are often known for their pro-life stance, which is good. But, are we seen as falling short in our concern for the teen mother?
Placing great emphasis on the birth of a baby, a child of God, is important. So is emphasizing the importance of the child of God who is carrying this precious little one. The sin occurred. Pregnancy is the result of the sin, not a sin itself, therefore we cannot treat this young woman as a sin-laden person. We are all sinners, loved by a sinless God. She is no different. God forgave our sins, wiped them clean and helps us stand firm in faith. This is grace. That’s what the church should be known for. Not just being Pro-Life.
We often point the finger at Pro-Choice advocates, claiming their extremism ignores the baby. But, by shaming a pregnant teenager, we too are ignoring the LIFE of this incredible young woman. Certainly in the past, pregnant teens were too often sent to a different school, not allowed into Bible Studies, Youth Groups and even church services. Expectant teens lose their friends and often the respect of the church.
If a Christian teen has an abortion, it’s generally to prevent the shame they receive when pregnant. The Church must do better than that. Shame and guilt doesn’t need to live within the walls of the church. There’s enough shame and guilt in the world, we don’t need to pile more of it on. The church should be a place that reflects God’s abundant grace. If a student repents her sin of having sex before marriage, and affirms her commitment to having the baby, then we need to poise ourselves in a position of praise for God’s mercy.
Fulfilling the Needs of a Pregnant Teen
An expectant mother should be able to fulfill her needs in order to best care for her child. Her basic needs are health, nutrition, shelter, access to medical support, prenatal clothing, etc. But she also needs access to an education, spiritual teaching, fellowship, possibly Christian counseling. The spiritual, mental and emotional support encourage her and allow her to be the best mother possible for that baby within.
If you have a friend who is expecting:
- Be her advocate
Help her get through the noise at school, encourage her to get Christian counseling, speak up for her when she can’t or is too embarrassed.
- Help her grow spiritually
Invite her to Youth Group, Bible Study, etc. If your church won’t allow her to come because of her “condition,” then do a Bible Study with her. Start reading through the Book of Psalms, or 1 John might be a great New Testament book to study with her.
- Throw her a baby shower
Gather friends and family to help buy all the necessary items for the newborn baby. Also, pick up a few items for your friend such as prenatal clothing, a journal, special lotions or foods.
- Pamper her
You may not be able to buy your friend a prenatal massage, but you can certainly give her a manicure when it becomes hard for her to reach her toes.
- Be a shoulder to cry on
It is not always going to be easy for your friend, and her emotions aren’t always the most stable during pregnancy. Sometimes a good cry and a long hug are incredible therapy.
- Learn some basic baby skills
Then, you can head over to your friend’s house after school once the baby is born and offer to change diapers, feed a bottle or simply cuddle with and hold the baby so your friend can take a nap or get a break.
- Encourage her to get some exercise
Exercise releases endorphins that make us feel good. Your friend will experience some difficult times, so go on simple walks with her so she can vent, or do a yoga class with her so she can feel a little more grounded.
If you are pregnant and facing the fear and the shame:
- It’s hard, but stand in the truth
Jesus loves you. You are His creation. He knew this was going to be part of your life even before you were born. He desires to walk with you. He has a beautiful plan for your little baby. Love your child, cherish your child, care for him or her.
- Introduce your child to Jesus
Sing songs like, “Jesus love me” to your unborn child. Read scripture out loud. Tell your baby that Jesus is your Savior, and He will get you through any hardship that comes your way.
- Take care of your body
Go to all your doctor’s appointments. Eat healthy. Get some exercise. Take your prenatal vitamins. Get some rest when you can.
- Dream
Allow yourself to see what God has planned for you and your little one. Even when your future might seem bleak or hopeless.
- Prepare
Read some books or online resources on parenting and caring for a child. Buy items that you’ll need for a nursery and prepare space for your baby.
- Get help
Having a baby is time consuming. You will need a lot of help in the daily tasks of caring for the child, raising the child, paying for the child. Help may be getting a job so you have extra finances. Help may be having your parents care for the child. Help may come from getting married and having emotional and physical support from the father of the child. Help can and does come in many forms. Ask God to help you, He will provide what you need.
- Finish your education
Continue to go to school. Your child needs you to have at least a high school diploma. It may seem impossible some days, but it’s necessary.
- Find fellowship
Connect with a group of girls who love you. Perhaps a group of other teen moms or pregnant teens. Perhaps your same friends. It depends on what you can manage. But it’s important to have this connection with other young people.
- Hear God’s voice
Spend time with God. Pray to Him, read His Word. Join a Bible Study or connect with a youth group. Get counseling from a Christian counselor who can help you sort out your fear, anxiety and worry about being a teen mom.
- Wear prenatal clothes
Don’t try to hide your pregnancy under oversized clothing. You don’t need to expose your belly by continuing to wear the clothes that you were wearing beforehand either.
If you’re part of the church (whether you have a pregnant teen or not):
- Focus on God’s grace
Really look at and study God’s grace. It is for ALL people.
- Evaluate your actions and beliefs
Consider some of these questions: Do your actions compliment what you believe?
Does what you believe line up with the Bible?
Are you consumed by political or social media agendas?
Do you find yourself judging others?
You live in this fallen world, all of this is VERY common, so don’t be ashamed. Rather, spend time digging into God’s Word and work through its meaning and God’s desire for our life without an American bias.
- Collect baby supplies
Donate baby supplies to a local Christian pregnancy center. The work they do to support women experiencing unwanted pregnancies is incredible. They deserve our support. Consider volunteering for them as well.
- Pray
There are plenty of pregnant teens or teen moms who need our prayers. You don’t need to know them personally to pray for them. God will still hear your prayers and those young women need your prayers.
- Provide encouragement
We are all sinners and we all need a little encouragement. Write yourself an encouraging note every day and provide that same encouraging message with someone in your community who needs an uplifting thought. Take it a step further and send an encouraging note to a teen mom or pregnant teenager. Don’t know one? Send a message to a Christian pregnancy center and ask them to pass along the note to a girl in need.
As the pastor prayed over that baby being baptized, he asked God to use the church to help that couple thrive. He prayed that they would be blessed by many more children who would enter God’s covenant relationship because of the grace poured out on them through the love of Jesus Christ. May God’s grace pour over you as a reminder that you are His.
