Growing up in America, you’re “pursuit of happiness” involves seeking someone to love and who loves you in return. The idea of love defines us within our culture. Our social status is greatly impacted by our “single” or “seeing someone” status. There’s some reason children playfully sing, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.” The accumulation of life’s ultimate goals starts with love and matrimony.
Marriage isn’t just about love
From the beginning of time, marriage wasn’t just about love. In its original agreement, it was an exchange of property for the establishment of a family and the continuation of a lineage. The government institutionalized marriage because it was a natural union. It recognized matrimony as a legal bond to regulate misconduct and encourage the growth of society. From a biological perspective, it takes a man and a woman (or a procedure originated from the concept of male and female) to create a family. Love isn’t an afterthought of married life, it is essential in this union and rearing children. But, love is only one part of the physical, spiritual, mental and emotional bond between a man and woman in a martial union.
Today’s society has made married life all about love, placing the emphasis on the adults and losing track of the children. People say they “fall out of love” therefore seek a divorce or some other means of resolution. We’ve forgotten that marriage is so much more than just love. There’s no doubt that love is essential. It’s a major part of the bond, but love can’t be the determining factor that defines this union.
To regulate marriage based on romance places it in an unstable state, creating an atmosphere unfit for a family. If marriage is only about an intense emotional feeling, there’s no reason to establish principles that maintain a healthy bond such as permanency, limitations on the number of people involved or sexual exclusivity. To narrow the purpose of marriage to love is to forget all the other important aspects matrimony plays in society and in the personal lives of a family.
Society benefits from marriage
Government recognizes the institution of marriage as a way to protect children. It’s a common belief that a man and woman who honestly committed to one another, will naturally take responsibility for their children. Men and women have unique gifts and different approaches to raising children. They balance each other in a complete union, therefore they are both necessary for the ideal development of a child.
Scientific studies show that children do best when raised by parents who are in a committed relationship. A committed marriage typically relieves the government of other duties: social services, juvenile correction, religious direction, tutoring and further education, welfare, healthcare, foster care and childcare. These services, if used only minimally benefit tax payers, meaning other families benefit. Separating the responsibility of raising children from parents hurts the entire community. When you look at all that a healthy union produces, the importance of marriage and the strain people feel in marriage becomes rather pertinent. Marriage cannot do what society needs if the definition of this bond is refuted, or the commitment is belittled. Therefore, marriage must not be lessened to just love between two people. Instead, matrimony deserves a society that rallies around a couple and a family as a community of support.
Unique, one of a kind relationship
The most effective way to teach children is through example. Children observe and copy what they see around them. If a child sees and experiences the natural and comprehensive bond of a man and woman throughout their life, the likelihood of him or her replicating that relationship becomes greater. Marriage is a unique relationship. There isn’t another union that recognized in this way. Nor is any other relationship capable of such devotion. Demonstrating the complexity and responsibility of this union helps children see that marriage is not just about emotions and love, it involves physical, emotional, spiritual, mental commitment and obligation. Marriage involves selflessness, self-control, diligence, discipline and faithfulness. Each of these are essential life characteristics that children can only learn through observation. A healthy marital bond impacts the outlook of marriage for the next generation.
Similarly to marriage, raising children isn’t just about love – it involves physical, emotional, spiritual and mental discipline and interaction. Children are highly dependent on their family. A child’s physical needs is met by his or her caregiver. That child’s moral, cultural and faith understanding become based on his or her family. Children who mature well become healthy, stable, respectable and productive citizens.
The view of marriage beyond our culture
Other cultures view marriage as a union of man and woman as well. This is a rather universal outlook. Less progressive countries as well as advanced countries all see the benefit of matrimony and formalize its union accordingly. Most religious traditions also share the understanding of the benefits of a marital union between a man and a woman. Ancient scholars and philosophers recognized the significance of a marital union. Marriage as a union was established centuries ago. If it’s important to people all over the world, through all of time, then certainly it should be important to you.
Your role in marriage
As a young individual with hopes and dreams about matrimony, it’s vital that you see this union as something greater than an emotional bond driven by love. There’s a common misconception that love is all you need. It takes far more than just love to build a a strong marital union. One person can’t satisfy your every need. This simply is not true, nor is that what marriage is about. Marriage isn’t about what one person needs, it’s about the needs of the union and the family structure. A successful union bases life’s decisions and progress on what’s best for the family, not what’s best for a single individual. One individual is a part, an element, of the union. That individual is not central to it.
As a daughter, you are the result of a union, meaning you are also a part of that union. You are not the center of that union, but you help mold and move that union to where it needs to be. You do not dictate the family dynamic, nor will you when you are a married adult. God should be the lead of the entire family as well as the lives of each individual. If everyone is focused on Him, then no one will have to give up their way because everyone’s intentions will be pure and in sync with their creator. Besides, nothing can satisfy your every need except God.
