How to Build Relationships
If you take a look at your family, how do you view them? Do you see your brother as a nuisance? Do you think your sister is perfect and can do no wrong? Do you see your mother as the keeper of the house, and your father as the rule maker? We tend to view our family according to the way society tells us we’re supposed to see them rather than attempting to build relationships. Society tells us that they’re supposed to be annoying (until we need something from them). This causes us to shift our view from one label to another. For example, our mom is out of touch, until we’re hungry. Then, she’s our chef – and even then, she might not be making the dinner we’d prefer. We’ve made it a habit to put off the people who are closest to us.
If we do this to our family, then we most likely do this to other people. We view celebrities as people we’re supposed to gawk at. We see waiters or clerks as machines who are simply producing a transaction for us. We’ve separated ourselves from seeing human beings as people. We place value on people as if they were scenery, something to entertain us, a technological gadget or machine.
Unfortunately, we’ve lost track of the reality that all human beings have value and they deserve to be recognized for that value. But, in order to recognize that value, we first have to recognize them. In order to truly see someone, we must be willing to build relationship with them.
Build Relationships in a Sea of People
Interestingly, we do view our friends as people, unless we want something from them. This is because we’re willing and interested in developing a relationship with them. We want to feel a connection with them. We see their value and enjoy their presence.
If we want to actually see people as people, not scenery or machines, we first have to make a conscious decision to change our perspective. Then, we actually have to build a relationship with individual people. We have to set our own agenda aside and view a person as someone God loves, created and cherishes. We have to take interest in the person. How was their day, what are they struggling with, what is praiseworthy in their life, what is God teaching them, what drives them, what are their talents, interests and habits. It’s the intimate details about a person that make them easier to understand, appreciate and value.
Finding Where You Belong
Another step we need to take in order to build relationships with other people is allowing ourselves to experience a sense of belonging. We belong to a family. We belong to a community. We belong to a circle of friends. We belong where God placed us and in order to fully grasp where we fit in, we must understand what it means to belong. Belonging means we have value. We have worth. We have something to offer. If we do, then so does everyone else. We all have something in common. We all share something unique and special.
We do not just belong to ourselves. In a community rooted in deep relationships, we belong to one another. This is a major shift from our independent driven society, and it can actually be an incredible emotional drain. It means setting yourself and your personal ambitions aside, which in our society is madness. It means making the interests and life of someone else as important than your own. It’s making relationships relevant in your life. Taking time to connect with other people. Opening up to them, sharing who you are and being vulnerable about what’s going on in your life. It’s about trusting others and yourself.
Side-Step to Celebrities
Now, for those celebrities and influencers, you certainly won’t be able to hang out with and develop a deep relationship with them. But, your view of them can change. You can see them as people who desire and deserve love just like you. You can pray for them. You can keep yourself from being judgmental toward them when they fail according to your standards. Rather than idolizing them, you can appreciate the work they do and thank God for giving you role models to emulate or learn from.
If you’re able to view celebrities from a distance in this manner, then you’ll also be able to learn to love people of other cultures, countries, continents, religions, political views, etc. As you learn to see people as God’s beloved human beings, crafted in His image, you’ll be able to set them in their proper place – no matter who they are. You’ll see them as people with whom you’re interested in because you know the benefits of viewing people as something beautiful rather than something functional.
Creating Change
This change cannot happen on your own, especially with the pressures and standards coming from outside perspectives. Only Jesus can change your heart and the heart of the people you’re attempting to build relationships with. You have to restructure so much about your life to fully develop healthy relationships with other people. Not only does your view and heart have to change, your intellectual and emotional perspective must be altered as well.
Ask God daily, hourly, by the minute to shift your outlook. Seek help from other people. Journal about your journey. Look for answers in the Bible. Don’t be afraid of failure and don’t allow yourself to slip back to what’s familiar. This is a long, arduous journey. It’s hard to be different. It’s difficult to see people as something of value. It’s strenuous to develop relationships with other people. The benefits and the advantages can become outstanding. You were created for this. Stay focused on God’s intention for you to build relationships in your life and viewing His beloved as worthy of proper perspective.
