Emotions Don’t Rule

Challenging False Emotions and Learning the Truth About Yourself

Your thoughts and feelings do not define you. Unfortunately, you live in a society that’s driven by emotions, and teaches that if someone feels a certain way about something, it must be true.

Your emotions actually aren’t very reliable. During your teen years, they tend to be rather extreme. This is normal but can become very bad if you allow your intense emotions to rule your thoughts, actions and view of yourself. More often than not, you’ll see things more negatively then they really are. You’re human, everyone does this – to a point. But, if you let these negative thoughts occur too often (without getting them under control) they can lead to depression, anxiety, relationship problems and a low view of self.

As teenagers, some of these more common thoughts, may include

• Blaming yourself or someone else for everything negative that happens in your life
• Feeling like the victim in every situation
• Avoiding situations or circumstances because they’re hard or may create conflict
• Having a “can’t” attitude
• Lacking trust of other people, or sometimes even yourself
• Having a flawed definition of success or failure
• Making decisions that are irresponsible, reckless or careless
• Minimizing or maximizing situations and always predicting that the absolute worst explanation is more plausible than what’s most likely true
• Comparing yourself to everyone
• Having unrealistic expectations
• Rationalizing to justify behavior
• Pushing away all good aspects of an occurrence and only focusing on the negative
• Assuming other people’s thoughts and actions are related or directed at you

Key steps to defeating negative thoughts and overcoming depression and anxiety

There are several strategic steps that you can take to fight against these negative emotions and thoughts. It may be time consuming at first, but with practice, you’ll be able to defy 3these thoughts quickly and effectively helping you to feel more satisfied and content in life.

Step 1:  Create a journal just for your thoughts.

It’s a good idea to journal on a regular basis about what God’s doing in your life, but journaling about your thoughts is much more resolute. You’ll need to journal regularly, like several times a day, to capture the negative emotions you’re feeling. Pull out your journal any time you’re feeling these negative emotions. That’s the first step, noticing when you feel depressed, down or anxious. Then, you’ll also need to follow a strategic pattern to help create effective change.  There are several steps to this process:

1. Write down the situation that made you feel bad. Where were you? What were you doing? Who were you with? What were you thinking about?
2. Write down the negative thought, feeling or image. Be specific. Don’t water it down or make it more dramatic. Be honest and truthful. Write it exactly as it came into your mind.
3. Take a moment to evaluate the accuracy of that thought. Is it correct? Is it not? This will help you learn to make more informed decisions about yourself and your thoughts.
4. Label the thought. Are you classifying yourself? Such as, “I’m ugly.” Or, are your jumping to conclusions and going to the extreme? Such as, “I’m such an idiot, I’ll never be successful in life.”
5. Challenge your thought. Pretend your closest friend just told you what you just said. How would you respond? Fight against your thought. Defend yourself.
6. After you’ve defended yourself, write down an alternate thought. Replace your negative thought with something true and positive.
7. Seek Biblical truth about your new thought. Is there a scripture that confirms what you are now saying about yourself?
8. Thank God for the truth through prayer.

(A simple chart download to help you remember your steps is below.)

Step 2:  Notice Patterns

Once you develop a habit of writing your negative thoughts in your journal and replacing them with positive truths, look for patterns. Are you experiencing negative emotions when you’re in similar situation or with the same person? Does something particular happen that causes a specific thought? Do you give yourself the same label over and over?  Do you consistently have a hard time challenging your thought or defending yourself?

Write down any patterns that you notice in your journal. You don’t need to avoid whatever it is that causes these emotions, but instead you’ll be more aware going into the situations or when facing particular circumstances. Overtime, you’ll learn to speak positively about your life and personality more immediately in these times because you’ll be on the lookout and will have gained the practice.

Step 3:  Fact Vs. Opinion

As you learn to evaluate your negative emotions, you’ll learn to realize the difference between fact and opinion. Just because you didn’t loan your sister your favorite shirt, doesn’t make you a bad person. Or, your weight doesn’t make you ugly. Perhaps your boyfriend just ended a relationship with you, that doesn’t mean no one loves you. The first part of each of these sentences is fact. But, the conclusion is an opinion, and not a healthy one. You will need to learn to discern between the two.

With practice, you will eventually be able to see yourself as God sees you: a brilliant, beautiful woman whom He created and adores. Christ values you so much that He died on the cross for you. There was never any doubt in His mind about what He was doing. He wants you to know your worth and experience His forgiveness and blessing. Seek His strength to help you discover the truth about your identity, thoughts and emotions. It won’t be an easy journey, but He will make Himself available to help guide you toward His goodness and loving presence.

Download and print out this simple Thought Journal chart to help you remember the process. You can keep a copy of this sheet on hand to jot down the progression of your negative thoughts, or you can have one copy in your journal to reference.