The Reality Of Perfectionism
You wake up before the sun, so you can look prepared and ready for your day. You head to school and do whatever you can to maintain your straight A status. After school, you practice hard, so your team can win. When you go home, you strive to do everything your parents ask and expect so you can receive their praise and approval. To top it all off, you expect yourself to maintain healthy and happy relationships with friends while receiving academic and athletic honors. It’s nice to win, to be the best or to be deemed number one. Still, it’s difficult to continually improve or become better than you were previously.
Since perfectionists place no end point of absolute perfection, goals continue to grow, becoming impossible to achieve. Striving for perfection is like trying to be God. Perfection is unattainable, and therefore striving for it can be very destructive and harmful. Perfectionism can trigger a vicious cycle of self-defeating behaviors and unhappiness. Trying to be as thin as an uber-lithe friend, as athletic as a sports-savvy sibling or as super smart as a study-happy cousin is a recipe for disaster. Satan tries to convince us that we’re supposed to be able to achieve everything we set our minds to with our own strength. Instead, we’re supposed to learn (which involves making mistake) so we can grow and rely on God.
The Need for Affirmation and the Fear of Failure
Whether they realize it or not, perfectionists are often addicted to the rush that comes with receiving accolades. They’re extremely sensitive to others’ achievements and feel continual pressure to achieve bigger and better things than they did previously. This often means they don’t feel that they’re ever good enough.
Many irrational beliefs contribute to perfectionism. Perfectionists often dwell on their mistakes and focus on their flaws and failures. Many perfectionists don’t give themselves credit for the time, effort and work they do. They always feel that success is only attainable once a certain goal is reached.
Overcoming Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be overcome. A good attitude, strong social support and the ability to laugh at mistakes are absolute musts in order to live a healthy, happy, well-adjusted and perfectionist-free life. Find freedom from stringent to-do lists and unhealthy expectations by working through the following five steps:
- Measure Your Worth
Most people have multiple insecurities, and everyone fears failure. We can all dwell on the negative or we can choose to focus on the beauty and goodness of life. Start the day by claiming great truths about life. These truths will help you measure your worth based on God’s love for you… He would have sent His one and only son to die for just you, that’s how significant His love for you truly is.
- Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
- 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.”
- Romans 8:31 says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”
- Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
End your day by listing all the things you’re thankful for and accomplished that day, big or small.
- Let God be Your Strength
We‘re not supposed to be strong at everything. Knowing your own strengths and their corresponding weaknesses is part of our unique design as humans. The knowledge of our strengths and weaknesses can lead us to a life of humility.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
The people who are successful in life don’t fight their weaknesses but celebrate their strengths. God is our strength, so hand over weaknesses and failures to God and let Him take on the burden. Let God demonstrate His strength through human imperfections and celebrate Him for doing so.
- Affirmation isn’t Necessary
Experience love through avenues other than praise and affirmation. See what it’s like to serve others and put their needs first; give friends hugs to show them care; spend some time just chatting with someone over ice cream; or make small tokens of appreciation for those who dedicate their lives toward helping you become a strong and capable person. Notice when other people do these things for you. A little unexpected effort from someone can demonstrate significant love and approval.
- Laugh at Your Mistakes
Find joy in situations that used to bring despair. Lightening the mood through laughter will help release the heart and eventually lighten the load of burdens and stress carried.
- Ask for Help
It’s okay to seek the help and advice of others. Their ideas may even become major breakthroughs. God doesn’t want perfectionists to work through life alone, so accomplish great things in community.
There is nothing wrong with striving for your best. God loves seeing you at your best, because that is the fullest expression of who He created you to be. But, be the best in areas that exude God’s glory and leave perfection to Him.
